Hey There Stranger
by seeyouontheice
Summary: Sacha drags Jac for a drink after finding out Jonny left her


"Hey there stranger; given Jonny a night off to spend with his best mate, have we?" Jac turned to see Sacha arm in arm with Chrissie making his way across the hospital car park and clearly on their way back from a dinner out.

"Leave me alone." Jac turned away and tried to remember where she'd left her car, since her bike aggravated her condition as she sped over speed bumps and potholes on her way home yesterday.

"Why, what's up?"

"The sky, that's what's up."

"Jac, don't give me that." Sacha grabbed her arm and turned her round to face him. Chrissie was at his side with nosey curiosity written all over her face.

"I don't want to talk about it! Sacha, please … not today; leave me be."

"Not when there is clearly something bothering you." Jac shrugged off his hand and marched away towards her car. Behind her she could hear her friend talking to his wife. "Listen, I know I promised that Tuesday nights would be our nights, but … Jac's my best friend and … there's clearly something upsetting her …"

"She seems perfectly normal to me." Chrissie told him. Jac's hand flew to her abdomen as she felt a sharp twinge in her side and she came to an abrupt halt.

"She needs me."

"Fine, go!" Chrissie finally snapped and a second later Jac heard a car door slam. Clearly things weren't quite as happy family as the Levy's would have everyone believe.

"Fancy a drink?" Sacha asked, hurrying to her side.

"Go home and fix your marriage."

"My marriage is fine … well … but you're more important right now." He stopped her and made her face him. "Come on Jac; talk to me."

Jac sighed and sat down on the picnic bench on the green in front of the main entrance. After a moment her friend joined her. "I screwed up Sacha," she said finally.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"I slapped Jonny."

Sacha closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. "Why? I thought you loved him."  
"I do … I …" Jac took a deep breath. "It's complicated …" Jac talked more than she'd talked in a long time. Sacha had that effect on her; an ability to make her open up even if all she wanted to do was hide it all away. How he did it, Jac didn't know. Maybe it was because she knew he wasn't going to give in. Anyone else and Jac would hate them, but she couldn't find it in herself to hate the man she trusted above everyone else. He was always there for her and the least she could do was let him help her.

She told him everything. About sleeping with Sean and running away to Japan on that course and her sleepless nights as she tormented herself over what she'd done. About her first day back and how her op had gone wrong and how she'd slipped and hit her head. She told Sacha how Jonny had ran to her side and irritated her into admitting she loved him. She told Sacha how thankful she was that he'd forgiven her. Jac told him about her failed second attempt at her operation because of her pains and how Serena had suggested gynaecology. She told him how her appointments and exploratory procedure had revealed her to have endometriosis. Jac admitted that she'd not said anything to anyone and gotten on with her day thinking she could ignore it; admitted that she'd thrown Tara out purely because she knew there was something wrong with the F1 and because she knew she, Jac, shouldn't be operating.

And then she reached her argument with Jonny. In the aftermath she realised that what she'd said had been a bit harsh and that her anger had only come out of a sense of fear that she might not be able to give him what he wanted. That all she really wanted was someone to tell her it would all be okay and hold her tightly. But his words had cut her far deeper than he could ever imagine. She had no response to them; no defence. Because she never thought he'd have it in him to hurt her like that. Jac trailed off into silence, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve.

"Oh Jac … what am I going to do with you?" Sacha pulled her in for a hug and Jac didn't resist.

"How can you put up with me?"

"Because I know you have a heart." His words were erringly similar to the ones Jonny had spoken earlier before everything had gone wrong.

"What am I going to do?"

"Tell him the truth and apologise. It's all you can do."

"I seem to spend most of my time screwing up and then saying sorry; I don't blame him for walking away. I'm surprised he's stayed this long."

"Don't think like that." Sacha got to his feet. "C'mon, it's cold and Albie's is waiting for us to drink ourselves into oblivion."

Jac smiled despite herself and stood up. "Sounds like a plan," he smiled and offered her his arm. Jac linked hers round his and together they headed towards the pub. "So, how's married life suiting you? I haven't had a chance to ask." Jac asked as they pulled open the door and stepped into the pub. She caught a glance at her reflection in the glass and saw that her eyes were noticeably red and that it was clear she'd been crying. She reasoned that after a few drinks she'd cease to care all that much.

Sacha pulled a face as he reached the bar. "Don't ask … anyway it is _your_ love life we are sorting out tonight, not mine. Besides, I owe you for all the times you've helped me out in the past."

Jac rolled her eyes and turned in time to see Albie amble up to them behind the bar. "Ah!" he said in a voice that carried across the half-filled pub and everyone glanced up, curious to see who he was talking to, "my best customers have finally decided to return!"

"Hello Albie," Jac relented as Sacha leant across the bar and shook his hand.

"Long time-no-see; what's been keeping you away?" And then he frowned at her, "everything alright with you Jac? Only I've got Mo and Jonny over here and he looks ..."

"My bestfriend got married, Albie, perhaps you heard? And his wife hates my guts so she's banned him from coming out with me; apparently I am a bad influence or something …" Jac ignored the question on if she was alright, but did spot Jonny and Mo at the other end of the bar.

Sacha laughed easing the tension and ordered two shots and a drink each. "Order up," he told Jac, handing her the shot and downing his. Jac hesitated; this probably wasn't the best way to deal with things and she wasn't even she should be drinking with all those painkillers she was on. She glanced over at Jonny who was pointedly ignoring her and trying to down his pint under Mo's urging. She sighed and decided, as Sacha put it, drinking herself to oblivion was the best thing right now. She raised the little glass of liquid to her lips and gulped it down in one. She gasped as it burned her throat and Sacha laughed again before handing her the drink.

The two friends talked about useless and trivial things for a while before the door opened and none other than Mr Thompson walked in. Jac choked on her drink, causing Sacha to pound her back in alarm. He looked at her quizzically before spotting Jac's consultant and realisation spread across his face. At the other end of the bar Mo was frowning at Jac's reaction to Thompson's entrance, catching Jac's eye, the registrar turned to her friend and Jac was almost certain she was telling him how she'd run into her outside Thompson's office earlier that day.

Thompson stopped at the bar, in between the two pairs of friends and ordered a glass of wine. "Of course," Jac said to Sacha, "he's far too sophisticated for anything else." They sniggered into their drinks, causing her doctor to look round suspiciously and Jac quickly hid her face.

"He's going to put you on the worst meds he can find now." Sacha joked.

"No he won't; he's too afraid of what I might do if he does."

"Don't you ever get tired of people being frightened of you?"

Jac shrugged and drank the rest of her drink in one mouthful before calling Albie and ordering the same again, but with two extra shots this time. It was their thing; they had a shot with every drink and each time they got a new round, they added on an extra shot. Sacha finished his own drink and excused himself for the bathroom.

"Ms Naylor," Jac groaned.

"What?" She demanded. "What reason could there possibly be for me to want _your_ company?"

Thompson faltered, "I … well I just – just thought you should know that alcohol consumption less than forty-eight hours after a procedure like yours is …"

"I know the risks."

"Yes but –"

Just to annoy him, she had one of the shots. "Go away." She gave him a look that told him just what she thought of him just then and he took a step backwards and bumped straight into Mo.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry."

"No, it's fine; you learn not to stand too close to Jac in case she makes you step backwards onto people's toes just like that. I'm sure you'll get used to it." Thompson laughed nervously and gave her a look that made Jac want to puke. He nodded, smiled at Mo, and returned to his lonely spot. "So what were you and Mr T having that nice little chat about?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Jac told her pointedly, taking another shot.

"No, of course not; it concerns you and only you. Is that right?"

"What do you want?" Jac asked pointedly.

"Jonny told me about your argument."

"Sure he did, and you're here to tell me it's about time he realised what a selfish and heartless bitch I am."

"No. I came over to ask if you were okay; I saw your face as he walked away and how much what he said must have hurt you."

"You don't care."

Mo rolled her eyes and took Sacha's seat. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't," she paused while Jac stared at the drinks she'd got for her and Sacha before thinking 'screw this' and having a fourth shot. "I'd probably have done the same if he'd said those things to me."

"Go tell him that."

"I have … look, he feels really bad about it and I know you do too –"

"You can't possible know how I feel." Almost because it would be rude to leave only one shot left, Jac had that too, earning her a disapproving look from her colleague.

"So you're saying you're not hurt that it's over between you?"

"I didn't say that, it's just …" Jac closed her eyes. "You wouldn't understand." Suddenly, Jac didn't want to be there; she wanted, more than anything, to go home and go to bed. But as she thought this she realised that it wasn't her flat she was longing for because that place had never felt like home to her. It was a home and a family and a place where she knew she was loved that she wanted; a home and a family with Jonny. Jac felt her eyes welling up because she knew that with her condition, a family with Jonny was highly unlikely to happen.

Refusing to cry in front of Mo, Jac made a dash for the bathroom. She leant against one of the sinks and stared at her pale reflection in the dirty mirror. She was a mess; tears were streaming down her cheeks and her shoulders were trembling from holding back her sobs. She also had that overtired, dead-on-her-feet look that seemed to come with illnesses such as hers. Her abdomen suddenly erupted into agonising cramps, the same ones that had driven her out of theatre that time, and she let out a cry of agony. Fumbling through her pocket, she failed to locate her painkillers.

Defeated at last, Jac crumpled to the floor of the bathroom and wept.

Back at the bar, Mo was staring after Jac in surprise.

"Where did Jac go?" Sacha asked, obviously back from his bathroom break. "Is she alright?" Mr T and Jonny had also joined her along with a curious Albie; Jac's sudden departure clearly meaning something was wrong.

"I dunno …"

"What did you say?"

"Who says I said anything?" Mo defended. Sacha rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Why else would she run off like that?"

"Maybe she needed the toilet?"

But Sacha's look told Mo that Jac had told him everything, and that he probably knew more than she did. "Why was Jac at your clinic this morning Mr T?" Jonny asked him suddenly while Mo stood not taking her eyes off Sacha.

"Don't involve him Jonny." Sacha warned.

"Mo said she was there as a patient." He went on, ignoring Sacha.

Mr T looked extremely uncomfortable and fiddled with his glass.

"She's ill, Jonny … and I shouldn't even have told you that –"

"Ill! With what exactly?" the Scottish nurse demanded.

Sacha looked at Jonny and sighed. "Okay. I'll tell you; but you've got to remember something for me."

"What? That I talked you into it and therefore I get all the blame?" he answered sarcastically.

"No, that Jac really _does_ love you."

He snorted into his pint but otherwise didn't respond.

"Are you sure you want to me to tell him, I mean Ms Naylor won't be very pleased when she finds out." Mr T stammered.

"No. _I'm_ the one telling him."

"I was under the impression she didn't want anyone to know."

"I'm not anyone." Sacha replied. He turned to Jonny, and Mo, and said in an oddly calm voice, "Jac has endometriosis; it's why she's been suffering from those pains over the past week."

Jonny didn't say anything for a long moment as full comprehension dawned on him. Then he realised, and Mo realised, that, while he'd been out of line with what he'd said to Jac, the reason she'd reacted as she had suddenly became evident.

"I didn't mean it …" Jonny began, "I didn't know!" he sounded desperate.

"I know that."

Then anger took over; "Why didn't she tell me!"

Sacha shrugged. "She didn't want you to worry and didn't think it would be anything serious … that and she's not used to having someone care as much as you do about her. Jac's been dealing with the things life had thrown at her alone since she was twelve and her mother walked out on her. It wasn't because she was trying to hurt you, or undermine you; it was to protect you."

Jonny stared into his drink. "I've made a mess of things."

"You both have." Mo murmured, patting her friend consolingly on the shoulder. "Should I go and see where Jac is?"

"Yes; she should be at home resting after being under the knife less than forty eight hours ago. Nor should she be drinking." Mr T muttered.

Mo nodded and headed for the bathroom.

She found a heap on the floor; tears streaming from eyes, arms wrapped round knees and huge gut wrenching sobs emitting from her fiery haired superior. Mo remembered once overhearing Michael Spence describing what it was like to see and hear Jac cry. There was just something so utterly _wrong_ about it that meant heart breaking could never begin to describe it.

Unsure what to do, but knowing that calling the others from the bar was out of the question; Mo wearily sat down beside her boss and placed an uncertain arm around her shoulders. It didn't seem right to have others involved; Michael had been right when he'd said it made you realise just how vulnerable she really was and how _private_ her tears and anguish and sorrow was. Although Sacha was her bestfriend, Mo was almost certain that she'd not let him see her at her weakest. Mr T would be utterly useless in this situation and the registrar didn't want Jonny to see her like this. Her friend was already beating himself up over what he'd said in their argument; seeing Jac in the state she was would only make it harder for them to work past this. Mo knew that Jac loved Jonny. Hearing Sacha say it somehow made it official. And she knew that Jonny loved Jac.

Those were the simplest of facts and Mo sighed, wondering why things always got so complicated and twisted. She had to admit that seeing Jac and Jonny together had always _felt_ right; that they were somehow meant to be. She didn't know what it was, but the pairing had always made sense even if it was a bit surprising at first. But once you got past that, it became very clear how _right_ Jac and Jonny were for each other.

True they argued and fell out and they drove each other to extremes and tested the other in ways that, for some reason, always ended up making them stronger. Watching Jac and Jonny was like watching an old married couple; they knew each other so well … and yet they were still learning, still testing the waters and trying to prove to the other that it was love they had without giving the game away. They were doing everything they could to make the other a better person and help them through whatever was troubling them. Jac had been so fearless last week when she'd openly spoken about her and Jonny that it had shocked Mo.

"We know, Jac." Mo said after a while, when the sobs had grown quieter. "Sacha told us what's been going on – about the endometriosis."

"I'll kill him for that." Jac murmured into her knees.

"Somehow I don't think you will; you always find some excuse to let him off."

"You try staying angry at him for longer than ten minutes."

Mo smiled. "Impossible I take it?"

"Impossible doesn't begin to describe it." She lifted her head and sat up, resting against the wall of the bathroom. "What now?" The surgeon asked, "What happens now?"

Mo sighed, "I'm not sure Jac. I know he loves you and that he regrets hurting you like he did … I guess you're just gonna have to try and work it out between you."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Nothing worthwhile is ever easy Jac and lying, even to protect someone you love, won't get you very far … but then you never had anyone to teach you that did you? Your mother walked away, didn't she?"

"Yeah … I had to find out the hard way; poor Jac never had a mum to love her." Jac closed her eyes and seemed to voice something that had been bothering her for a very long time. "Doesn't the whole point of a mother mean, having someone love you unconditionally forever? Having someone who you _know_ will always be there for you, no matter what. Having that someone who will instantly make every bad part of your life that much better, that much more bearable? Having someone who is proud of you, despite your failures, who wants what is the best for you and who puts you before herself every time?"

Mo looked at Jac; the pain in her voice was very real and Mo wondered why she'd never noticed it before. The bitter undertone Jac always had in her voice was only there, Mo realised, to hide the anguish she carried with her. "What happened, Jac? Why did she go?"

Jac let out a hollow laugh. "I've been searching for an answer to that question for twenty years and the only one I could come up with was that it was me. That there must have been something so fundamentally wrong with me that she couldn't bear to stay."

"Don't say that." Mo chided her gently, "Jac don't ever say that."

"Why else would she have gone? Why else would a mother abandon her own daughter at twelve? What other, _possible_, reason is there for leaving me so she could disappear off to India?"

Mo replaced her arm around Jac's shoulders and surprisingly, the consultant didn't tell her to get lost. "Whatever the reason, it can't have been you. No decent mother would ever do that to their child; the problem lies with her Jac, not with you."

Jac didn't respond and after a second Mo realised she was clutching her abdomen with her eye tight shut and that she was biting her lip to keep from crying out in pain. The registrar knew that these pains were agonising for Jac; her body language told her. She was hugging her knees to her chest again. There was something about pain that instinctively made you want to curl up in a ball to protect yourself from any further harm, something that brought out how scared you really were about something.

Often you don't realise you want something as badly as you do until you're told you cannot have it.

This was how it was for Jac. Now she knew it was highly unlikely she could have children, she suddenly craved one more than she could justify. She'd always assumed that, when she finally found the right man that she would have that family she never did. But the moment Jonny – or Joseph – had begun to offer it to her she had fought them off and now … now all she wanted was what she couldn't have. A child of her own that she could love like her mother never loved her; a child she could protect and be proud of and love forever.

And she wanted Jonny. Right now all she wanted was for him to wrap her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Jac didn't notice Mo get up and leave until the bathroom door swung shut and when, a few moments later, the door opened again, it was Jonny who joined her on the floor and Jonny who placed a comforting arm round her shoulders and held her tightly. Perhaps Mo had guessed that Jac had wanted him.

"I'm so sorry." Jac whispered and her voice was soft without its usual hard and bitter backbone that kept all her pain and fears at bay.

"So am I … Jac you know I'd never had said those things if I'd known …"

"I know. But I wouldn't have hit you if they hadn't of hurt as much as they did."

Jonny held her tighter and kissed the healing cut on her forehand. "I know … I did deserve it." They sat in silence for a while, holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it.

"Please don't leave me." Jac said a while later, "Jonny … please don't go."

Jonny smiled, "I'm not going anywhere Jac. I promise." He kissed her tenderly on the lips, a kiss Jac returned before taking a deep breath and pulling herself upright using the sink. Jonny waited patiently while she attempted to wash her face and then took her hand as they emerged from the ladies' bathroom. Mo and Sacha were talking quietly at the bar and Jac was glad Thompson was nowhere in sight.

Neither of them said anything to them as Jac and Jonny joined them, and Jac was grateful for it. She didn't think she could face an explanation, however the look in all three pairs of eyes told her she didn't need one; they understood. Jac smiled slightly, unable to tell them just how much their friendship meant to her but they knew her and knew how hard she found even the simplest of thankyous. Instead Mo, Sacha and Jonny embarked on some totally unrelated and unimportant topic of conversation and allowed Jac to sit between Sacha and Jonny in silence until she felt ready to take interest in what they were talking about.

Jonny wrapped an arm round her waist suddenly and Jac rested her head on his chest. Neither Mo nor Sacha saw fit to comment as Jac found herself drifting into a doze. The combination of her emotional outburst in the ladies bathroom had drained her and the alcohol was only magnifying her exhaustion.

A sharp cramp in her stomach caused Jac to tense in Jonny's arms and she bit her lip and pressed her face into his chest. He tightened his hold on her and pulled her closer to him, silently comforting her and assuring her that he wasn't going to let her cope with her condition alone. Sacha and Mo seemed either not to notice or decided that Jonny was able to comfort her without their help.


End file.
